Confessions of an Unfinished Pastor - Part 1

On April 4, 2010 I preached my first Easter sermon as a Lead Pastor. For the first 13 years of my pastoral ministry I had never attended an Easter Sunday service because I had always been on a Mission trip during our students' Spring break. The morning was an awesome experience, as each service was filled with people hungry to worship the risen Christ.

In addition to these worshipers, I came into the morning very aware that on Easter, many people show up to church gatherings who rarely if ever attend. The motives for this rare Easter church attendance vary according to those I have spoken with over the years. Some seem to show up out of a sense of duty to a friend or loved one who has been begging them to attend church for the previous 51 weeks. Others do so out of duty, believing that church is simply what good "God-fearing" Americans do on Easter morning. And there are still others with many other reasons, I suppose.

I treat every worship gathering expecting that many will be in our midst who have not yet become followers of Jesus. Some are genuinely seeking truth. Others are simply curious. But this Easter, I shared some personal things I believed would connect with those in attendance who wanted to believe in a risen Savior, yet struggle with incessive doubt. At various points along the way, I affirmed in no uncertain terms that doubters and skeptics are welcome at Valley Church - and that I too am a fellow doubter who, like Thomas, often wrestles with the desire to "see before I can believe."

While sharing personal information about weaknesses and struggles can be risky for a pastor, I believe that at the end of the day God's people will appreciate the leadership of someone who is honest more so than one who fakes his way through the journey with a plastic smile plastered all over his over-confident face. My risk ended up paying off, as numbers of people have since contacted me expressing a desire to meet over coffee to discuss Jesus further in the weeks ahead.

I realize that on the surface, it may not sound comforting for a person to hear that their pastor struggles with doubt. But properly understood - doubt should not be viewed as an enemy of faith, but rather a friend. Certainly there can be a negative side to ongoing unchecked doubt. But in my journey of faith, doubt has prompted me into relentless seasons of soul searching, Scriptural contemplation and personal investigation into the knowable facts. Ironically, it has been during these wilderness seasons of doubt that God has most significantly deepened and strengthened my confidence in Jesus Christ and His claims.

As my faith has grown, I find that I am rarely ever doubtful about such elementary topics as whether God exists or whether Jesus rose from the dead. In fact, I am confident enough of those things to give my life for them. Nonetheless, I have found that for most people it is NOT easy to walk by faith. It's not easy to believe that God's acceptance is totally unconditional. It's not easy to believe that God doesn't count our sins against us based on simply trusting in Christ. It's not easy to believe that there is no condemnation and that His grace is abounding to us every millisecond of the day. But the Scripture says that these things are true.

Doubts will come and go throughout the ebb and flow of life. Someone once said that an unexamined faith is of no real use - and I would tend to agree. Doubts force us to re-examine our core values and beliefs. Doubts bring us to the brink of realizing our utter dependence upon the God who has revealed Himself to us in creation, the Bible, and the Messiah. So while a handful of people may not want to hear their pastor speak of his own journey through the twists and turns of doubt - I remember that my mom always taught me that "honesty is the best policy." Integrity is not pretending to have it all together. Integrity is being true to the Truth no matter where it leads. So I'll repeat what I said on Easter morning: "Fellow doubters and skeptics...WELCOME TO VALLEY CHURCH!" Let's join with the disciples who honestly said "Lord, we believe - but help our unbelief..." That's when an unexamined faith begins to mature.

Any thoughts you'd like to add? Feel free....