Fellowship: More than Smiles and Potlucks

If you grew up in or around church, you have probably heard the word "fellowship" used to describe almost any circumstance under which two Christians are in the same room together. While it is true that fellowship takes on varying degrees of depth depending on numerous factors, the Biblical idea is much deeper than simply hanging out with other Christians.

The Greek word for fellowship means "having all things in common". This commonality not only suggests that Christians view themselves as co-equally responsible for taking care of one another's needs, but it also (and perhaps more importantly) crosses into the spiritual and emotional dimensions of life as well.

James 5 talks about "confessing our sins" to each other in order that we might be healed. This healing is essentially wholeness. Dietrick Bonhoeffer wrote about the fact that confession of sin to other believers is often foreign and frightening to modern-day followers of Jesus. In his classic "Life Together" he wrote about why many Christians never experience true fellowship even though they seem to be sincerely looking for it. He says,

"The final break-through to fellowship does not occur, because, though they have fellowship with one another as believers and devout people, they do not have fellowship as the undevout, as sinners. The pious fellowship permits no one to be a sinner. So everybody must conceal his sin from himself and from the fellowship. We dare not be sinner. Many Christians are unthinkably horrified when a real sinner is suddenly discovered among the righteous. So we remain alone with our sin, living in lies and hypocrisy. The fact is that we ARE sinners." (Life Together, Harper & Row, 1954, p. 110).

To re-state this in simpler terms, Bonhoeffer is saying that many Christians are so fearful of rejection - so concerned that being "found out" may bring detriment to their reputation or perceived good standing among other saints - that they instead choose to plaster on a phony smile and pretend all is well. As a pastor, I am convinced that in spite of all of our recent and repeated affirmation of values like "authenticity", "transparency" and "being real", still far too few people experience the benefit of having even one solitary friend in their lives with whom they can be totally and completely honest - confessing their sin and brokenness without fear of rejection.

I remember what life and ministry was like before I had forged a handful of these relationships, and by God's mercy I will never go back to living that way. Do you have someone you can be totally honest with? A same-gender friend who is safe enough not to reject you and honest enough to challenge you? If you feel frustrated with "church" because you don't seem to be getting any real fellowship - perhaps the problem is not with those around you. Perhaps you need to take the initiative to find a person or small group where you can begin to forge this kind of relational intimacy. What are YOUR thoughts? Feel free to chime in...